Being unattractive is playing the dating game on hard mode
Like you, I've had much better luck with Ok Cupid, which makes it distressing that the online dating population in general seems to be shifting from Ok Cupid type sites to Tinder type ones.with only a couple matches after hundreds upon hundreds of swipes.Men who can signal their potential as a good mate on Tinder get matched with higher quality women, even those who are more attractive than them.As a conventionally unattractive guy (short, non-white), Tinder has been abysmal for me.In general it makes me feel that I would not be considered or evaluated in serendipitous real-life encounters, because everyone has filed away "dating" to be "that thing I screen for on Tinder." People you meet in random circumstances, and who might strike up a conversation about going on a date, are now universally panned, perhaps because there is a risk factor with meeting a stranger that way that feels mitigated on a platform like Tinder.But whatever it is, it means that non-empty, substantive, 3-D interactions out in the real world are heavily discounted compared to what I really feel are hollow, checkout-line-candy-bar low-substance representations of our selves (e.g. I'm very secure with being alone, so I think my only realistic hope is that later on, maybe when I am 35 or maybe when I am 40, some single women in the age range I am seeking will stop viewing it this way, and someone they happen to meet when they are out doing something will again be evaluated as a possible partner.I feel like the message about sexy abs in this ok cupid post is more in line with the old saying "if you've got it, flaunt it." They even say, "We would never suggest to a Fitzgerald or a Dave Eggers to limit his profile to 100 words, and so why should guys with great bodies keep their best asset under wraps?
Among my female friends, everyone is sorting through Tinder for relationship-signaling behavior. Clear pictures (hopefully one in a tie), a witty tagline with correct spelling and grammar, maybe a dog or picture of you doing something you are good at (i.e. Men might try to use Tinder for hook-ups, but the higher quality female users sort out male users who project this image.
I'll also add that most women I met on Tinder weren't above a hook-up but not-so-subtly had a relationship on the agenda, and that this affects guys behavior.
If you sleep with an attractive, compatible woman a few times, it's not unheard of to start to form a friendship, at which point most (not all) guys in our society start to blanche at the idea of her doing the same with other partners.
I am a 30-year-old man, healthy, moderately attractive, athletic, intelligent, and this frightens the shit out of me.
I am very relationship-minded, but after having a couple of very long-term relationships that began online, I am seeking some damn serendipity for the next relationship.
If you haven't been in the dating pool for a long time, this is sort of like someone in Duluth making sweeping statements about Silicon Valley culture.